lets go fly a kite!

today, we took chaeli to the small park across the street. with a kite in tow, she happily walked with us, knowing full well something new and exciting was about to happen.

i found myself a shady patch of grass to cop a squat.

in the near distance, i watched as chaeli jumped up and down in excitement as the wind swept the kite upwards.

my family. i thought to myself. there they are.

i noticed chaeli’s small body, compared to doug’s beside her. she is so little. but so full of life!

for a moment, i completely let go of everything else and just enjoyed the vision of father and daughter… flying a kite.

even when she got upset at something and started to cry out, “mommy! mommy!” i couldn’t help but to smile.

for one day, i know that i will not hear that little voice anymore. one day, that little voice will sound so much older… and all this before me will be a memory.

See more progress on: stop and smell the roses

failed attempt at no. 2

my no. 2 guilt-free thing i was going to write about was leaving chaeli with my aunt so my uncle, doug and i could go see x-men III.

while i thoroughly enjoyed the movie, and do not regret going to see it, at the back of mind throughout the whole ordeal was guilt and worry about leaving chaeli for a couple of hours. one would think i would be use to this by now but as of lately, i have been feeling the opposite since a year ago whenever i did get babysitting.

what’s going on with me? am i just becoming more of a maternal-like person?

See more progress on: do 43 guilt-free things for myself

the talk

i had a loooong talk with him last night. i told him everything that had been on my mind. all my worries… all the stress… all the pressure.

i really needed him to know that i just couldn’t handle the burden of always taking care of everything on my own. that i was close to a breakdown. and that i feared for both my mental and physical health.

there have been a lot of things, lately, that he hasn’t been doing. even after asking him for weeks on end. one result ended in a non-sufficient funds last week for our property tax… after telling him to make sure his accound had enough for the automatic withdrawal.

i was so fed up.

but i think last night’s talk did us some good. i told that i realize that i’ve been really bitchy to him. and that the cause of this was just due to so much that has been on my plate, including things that i have been doing for him.

i told him that i don’t want to be like that to him. and that i feared that if we continue on like this, we will surely end in divorce.

i made sure he knew that i was not bringing up divorce as a threat. just that it was a reality that i did not want.

i think i was able to talk to him last night in a way that didn’t go to those ugly, lashing, vindictive and angry words that i’ve done in the past.

and i think because of that, he actually listened.

See more progress on: be a better partner

better late then never

okay, so while i remembered my sister-in-law’s birthday, i was definitely very late in sending out the gift. in fact, i just sent it out along with the belated mother’s day gift to my mother-in-law.

i hate mailing letters and parcels. i’m very good at getting everything on time, but very bad at the actually mailing part. as i do most of my written communication via email.

i also haven’t a clue why i used Purolator. for a 3.7 kg parcel, i ended up paying $22! wtf??!?

and for only two days earlier on arriving then Canada Post but for probably half the price. if even that.

okay, next birthday to remember. my father-in-law. which i will try to send out with the father’s day gift EARLY this time.

See more progress on: remember birthdays

and so the reason is...

often, i find that anytime i take a moment or two to do something that’s just for me, i hardly ever do it without feeling guilty.

my aim, now, is to focus work on doing more activities which i enjoy, while letting go of the guilt.

i have a feeling this is going to be easier said then done.

See more progress on: do 43 guilt-free things for myself

keane

I noticed tonight
That the world has been turning
While I’ve been stood here dithering around
While I know I said I’d wait around till you need me,
But I have to go
I hate to let you down

But I can’t stop now
I’ve got troubles of my own
Because I’m short on time
I’m lonely and I’m too tired to talk

- ‘can’t stop now’ by keane.

am loving this album. especially the above song. i play it over and over again.

i’ve always been that way though… even as a teen. if i loved a song, i would actually play it over and over again until the 45 (yes i am that old) single became warped, or i found myself needing a break.

i would memorize lyrics from an entire album from any given band that was one of my top faves at the time.

now, i’m lucky enough to know a whole chorus.

See more progress on: listen to more music.

creative writing 101

okay, so perhaps i just don’t have the time to take a creative writing class. i’d like to. some day. hopefully when chaeli goes to school?

we could have homework time together.

for now, i’ll have to resort to self-taught lessons. and to start, i found a site with over 200 creative writing exercises: http://www.creativewritingprompts.com

See more progress on: write creatively

mother's day

what better day to relax then mother’s day.

no roses to smell though – but i did get a pretty, red carnation. plus oodles of craft made by chaeli from her class.

we went to my parent’s place for brunch. doug and i packed a box of things we needed to make quiche (two kinds). i figured it would be easier to make them while my parents played with chaeli. otherwise, chaeli would want to help and everything would be much slower and more aggravating.

we ended up with a crab quiche and a spinach-feta quiche, plus a goat feta and roasted red pepper spring salad. it was lovely. and somewhat on the lighter side.

after we ate, the sun started to peek out a little. we decided to all take advantage of the weather, and got ourselves ready for a stroll.

what a nice stroll that was. it was probably my favourite part of the day. just to walk with my family while chaeli toddled with us, pointing at all the different things she saw and chattering with excitement.

See more progress on: stop and smell the roses

goal achieved!

i believe i am complete.

bought a tan-brown, leather sandals (with a gorgeous heel) for $39.99.

AND… (drum roll please)... i found the handbags i wanted! of all places… ‘Bentleys’!

there i was, running around looking at all different places… Winner’s, Payless Shoes, other trendy shoe stores, H&M’s… all expensive for those that i loved, an affordable but ugly (and cheap looking).

then i realized i hadn’t gone into Bentley’s. the luggage and bag place that is affordable, always having some special going on.

so… i got a faux, black leather handbag big enough to fit all my stuff, with two pockets on the front. very cute. great stichese to accent it (cream-colour stitch). and magnet-buttons. love it.

only $24.99.

to top it, i found a really cute handbag for casual wear. it’s got a large wooden ring for the handle. the inside is brown lining that is shown through the crotchet, beaded exterior. love the beads!

only… $11 and change!

the brown, casual handbag is not the best one. i’ve seen funkier ones that are more daring but more expensive. however, for $11, i doubt i could wrong. plus – it’s adorable.

ahh… another thing i can check off my list!

See more progress on: buy a new wardrobe!

retro nights

i’ve been revisting some of my old tunes. mainly from my highschool years.

ahh… it feels good. i use to spend sometime each evening, after all chores have been completed, infront of my computer this way. i would change into my p-jamma’s, light some candles, and listen to my tunes.

and then i would write with such energy and passion… clicking away at the keyboard and filling my online web diary with recent events. all with a creative twist, for the most part.

music definitely is important in my life. i’ve completely forgotten this philosophy, as it does truely feed and push my creative soul.

of course, as of lately, who can blame me? my days are mostly taken up from tunes of the wiggles and barney.

See more progress on: listen to more music.

latest trend in handbags sucks donkey balls

first of all… i lied. i could do with one more fashionable sandals for work and evening out. something on the dark tan-brown colour. but haven’t found one with a price tag that i would like.

secondly, i need a couple of handbags. and while i’ve found some styles that would go well with jeans for the weekend, i’m upset with the fashion trend this year for more dressy/work-type handbags.

if i like the style, it’s too small. and i know i need something big enough to fit all my stuff. if it’s too big, the style is usually ugly. for the most part, i don’t like any of the styles this year.

and the prices aren’t as appealing as well.

so i will continue to hunt for that perfect handbag – one that will last me at least for a couple of years.

See more progress on: buy a new wardrobe!

limiting tv time

she may not like it, but over the past year, i’ve noticed that chaeli has been watching more and more tv. i’m sure that on some days, she’s close to 3 hours a day, though most of the time it’s closer to 2 hours a day.

that’s too much. especially for a two year old.

i’m making a stand. limiting t.v. and NO TV during meals. i hope my mother (her caregiver during the working days) will abide by my rules.

dinner is one of my biggest concerns. i want to discipline all of us in making dinner time part of our family time. where we sit together after a busy days, all of us doing different things, in order to connect and talk about our day.

i grew up with a t.v. always on in the kitchen. and i remember there were evenings where i wanted to tell my parents things but was told to ‘hush’ because my father wanted to listen to the news.

after awhile, i couldn’t separate myself from t.v. during dinner time. and when my parents chose to turn it off because they wanted to talk to me (usually about something that i did wrong), i was not for it.

i don’t want the same thing to happen between chaeli and us. the communicatin has to stay open in order for us to have less conflicts (as there’s always enough conflicts as there is).

See more progress on: be a better parent

argh!

looks like i’ll be filling this quota this week… for the rest of the month!

mother’s day is NEXT SUNDAY! and i have not yet made the gifts and cards i had planned on doing.

so this is it – craft cramming at it’s best. coming up!

See more progress on: craft more

no cake for me!

i was able to withhold my love for chocolate yesterday at the party.

as it was a chocolate birthday cake. how cruel.

i took one bite from my husband’s serving (i’m a bit superstitious – a bite of cake for good luck to the birthday person). to my surprise, it was TOO sweet. so there was a bit of content KNOWING that i would not have enjoyed it.

too sweet, eh?

is it possible, that after awhile, our tastebuds lack the tolerance level it had before (as our stomachs) when we limit ourselves to overly rich foods?

See more progress on: eat more healthy

attack the clutter: day 5 (i think) part II

it’s almost 5pm. in a little less then an hour, i’m going to have to call it quits for the end of the day as my mom will be heading out for the evening… and i’ll be taking care of little miss.

i’ve gotten my side of the office cleaned up pretty nicely. it’s not perfect but so much less cluttered. you can see the floor infront of both books shelsves! the piles were at least knee/thigh high. i think that alone, is a victory in itself.

also cleaned up the computer table. very good – as before the piles of crap and paper covered the entire surface. almost to the point of toppling over.

both book shelves are cleaned up with only books that we want remaining in our office (as it also poses as a library).

the shelf by the windo will be taken down and tossed. but for now, we’re using it to keep our boxes of paper work of which will be filed away in a systematic order when we finish the rest of the office.

my husband’s half is about… oh… 30% done.

he’s got more crap then i do. and has a harder time letting go of things. hence the extra clutter in hour household.

See more progress on: clean out the clutter

attack the clutter: day 5 (i think)

argh! this is horrible… HORRIBLE! this is the worst room to clean in our house. and i’m completely upset that we won’t get it done by today.

zone 5 – THE OFFICE. or junkyard, depending on who’s point of view. i’m leaning towards the latter. more boxes… WE NEED MORE BOXES!

aaarrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh!

See more progress on: clean out the clutter

hello?

i’m the leader, he’s the follower. so i know i have to make the first move.

lately, we’ve been so busy that we even when both of us are home for the evening, we barely spend more then 3 minutes together in the same room before we retire to our bed at night.

and trust me… ain’t no action happenin’ there! more like me falling asleep while he tinkers away on the lap top.

we’ve been really neglecting the ‘nurturing’ part of our marriage. i have to admit that it sort of scares me because it’s been like this more and more ever since the beginning of this year.

is this marriage? is this normal? are we suppose to feel like an old comfortable pair of slippers this soon? or socks? or mitts? or undies… no. perhaps the last one is one we shouldn’t list.

maybe i’ve been too bitchy lately. or rushed to do too much at once. maybe he’s been distant because i haven’t been approachable.

it’s not irrational. i have been focused on ‘getting things done.’ it’s been put oof too long… but now that i see a light at the end of the tunnel, i see two individuals, living in the same home…

totally oblivious of what the other one may be thinking.

ugh. i’ve got to do something about it before it’s too late.

See more progress on: be a better partner

lullaby, the smith's way

i’m not one to really enjoy putting chaeli down for bedtime.

i know… i’m one of THOSE mothers… the type that is always one or two steps ahead so when i’m doing one task, i’m thinking of what needs to be done later on in the evening. in other words, while putting chaeli to sleep, i am usually thinking, okay… after this, i have to go work out. then i have to do dishes, get lunch ready for tomorrow, clean up the living room… and empty out the garbage

of course, i remember the days when chaeli was just a baby and i was on maternity leave. perhaps because there was no rush to get things ready for the next day, i allowed myself to enjoy our bedtime ritual.

and it was peaceful… because after reading her a book or two, i would turn the night off, cradle her in my arms, and feed her her bottle as we listened to music in the dimly lit room.

last night, i was quite sleepy and relaxed right before her bedtime. and so while singing to her, as i rocked her in my arm. i felt my eyes lids getting heavy as i sang to her.

it was sweet. for that moment, i enjoyed holding her, even though, she no longer fits in the comforts of my arm, but insteads, drapes herself across my torso, resting the side of her head against my chest. she was warm, which made it even more relaxing.

i sang her the usual lullabies… but ended with some smiths and depech mode.

after all, there’s nothing wrong with adding some coolness to our bedtime routine.

Take me out tonight
Where there’s music and there’s people
Who are young and alive
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven’t got one anymore

Take me out tonight
Because I want to see people
And I want to see life
Driving in your car
Oh please don’t drop me home
Because it’s not my home, it’s their home
And I’m welcome no more

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes in to us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine

See more progress on: stop and smell the roses

eating healthy for six weeks

they say it takes at least six weeks to change a habit.

so i’m giving myself six weeks to eat healthy, limiting treats to a minimum of once a week (and of small portions). this is going to be tough as i love to just let go on weekends. but i figure six weeks is not a bad thing.

i’m now actually in my second week of my health kick. so far, so good… but there’s still four more weeks to go.

See more progress on: eat more healthy

a lacking area...

ever since i went back to work, after my one year maternity leave, i have really been slacking off in the ‘date’ department. recently, i’ve felt it starting to effect my relationship with my husband.

it’s not that we don’t get along. we do. lately, we haven’t been fighting. and when we head out with little miss, to places like high park or the zoo, we have such a good time!

but i think it’s important to still go out together. just the two of us. even on a casual outting – it would do us some good.

See more progress on: go on date nights with my husband